wandering

Well, actually it’s quite a long time I didn’t read any philosophy book anymore. I contemplated about my relationship with the others. Why can’t I get along with people easily and make the good relationship lasts. Sometimes sincerity is not enough, not everyone can feel it, or it is because of it’s actually less sincere? Respond towards them cheerfully and put some caring also looks weird sometimes. Why do I feel that few persons are too suspicious on me? Or it’s only me feeling that way? Is it the matter of chemistry? Why did I push them all away then when the relation getting closer?  I wish I could only close my eyes and walk alone, pretending there’s nobody around, but I just feel that’s not right too. Then I picked up psychology books, ‘till I found existential psychology (which brings it back to the mother, philosophy). Even it raised so many criticisms, seeming to be a backward move for psychology, it is interesting for having seen human’s act not of the term of causality. It leaves the view that human is rather mechanistic in the way they behave than to have a conscience to act base on his freewill that is never be out of context with the world they’re living. There’s a word connection or relation, a thread between us and the nature, the other world we swirling around, and the self. I think I can deal quite well with the self, a best company ever. I love being sunk in the thought of our nature world. The last question is how I define my self among the others who just alike my self? I then arrive back on the spot where I began wandering. I can tell you, I’m tired already. So, there’s no essence at all on being, but then what is relation it self? Doesn’t it then pops out as the essence of the existence it self, does it? Solitary is not our fate, ex-sistere always demanding for the world around, something out there. To be is to connect. Problem then in which way it could be the better, the proper way? Here, lead us to look for a way living the life.

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